One day I will forget I ever saw this
Everything. Grating characters. Not funny at all.
Hot Tub Time Machine 2 is a science fiction comedy about 3 friends who have to travel to the future to solve the attempted murder of one of them. Ever since they traveled to 1986 and changed their futures, Lou, Nick and Jacob have been living it up. Lou founded the wildly successful Lougle, a ripoff of Google, and enjoys additional fame due to his popular rock band. Nick ended up having a blockbuster music career with his knowledge of the future by recording all the popular songs before the true artists could produce them. And Jacob, well, Jacob hasn’t done much for himself since discovering that Lou was actually his father. But knowledge of the future has only made Lou more reckless than ever as he’s severely disrespectful to his employees, creating enemies along the way. And even though Nick has a successful music career, his marriage is suffering due to his wife’s displeasure about the fact they’re always spending time at some event and never with family. And Jacob feels he hasn’t amounted to anything as the most he does is serve food and drinks at one of his father’s many parties. However, everything changes when Lou is shot in the groin by an unknown shooter while giving a speech at one of his parties. Desperate to save him, Nick and Jacob discover that Lou has the original hot tub time machine and they use it to travel through time and save his life. But instead of going to the past they arrive in 2025 with much of their success gone, except for Jacob, who is more popular than ever. Things remain dire as the repairman warns them that the hot tub took them to the future in order to discover Lou’s murderer to prevent it from happening or else he’ll vanish. Can the 3 of them uncover the truth about Lou’s murder before it’s too late or will the distractions in 2025 keep them from succeeding?
There are some movies that are bad, and after watching them you think of different things that could’ve made them really good but all you see are wasted opportunities. There are also some horrible movies that are so bad you actually start laughing at them and find entertainment in how ridiculous they are. Hot Tub Time Machine 2 doesn’t fall in either category. If there was a category for a horrible movie that was written by an adult who just discovered the existence of genitalia that same day then Hot Tub Time Machine 2 would fall into that category. This is definitively the worst movie I have ever seen. It’s not because I lack a sense of humor or I cringe easily at edgy comedy, there’s just nothing funny about every joke being a dick joke or the scenario setting up a dick joke. There was zero creativity with the situations, and it’s even more disappointing since it was set in the future where they could have come up with anything. Instead there’s an idiotic story that has the 3 travel to the future where they meet Adam Yates-Steadmeyer, Adam Yates son. John Cusack doesn’t reprise his role as Adam Yates, and after seeing this movie it’s not surprising. This would mean Adam would be Jacob’s cousin but more references would be made about Lou being his uncle. And Adam would appear to be the exact opposite of them with his naiveté yet clueless in ways along with his fiancée. And the potential for any jokes based off differences in personalities or time periods was completely squandered for…yep, dick jokes.
I don’t know if they had a specific target audience in mind when making this movie but I can’t even see a group of friends going to see this and actually enjoy it for any comedic reason. It might even make a group uncomfortable to be watching it together because it didn’t even seem like it was aiming for comedy at times. It was boring, cringe-worthy for the worst reasons, and it was just so bad. I even wondered if I needed to brush up on the first Hot Tub Time Machine until my girl, who loved the first one, looked at me midway through and said “this is sooo bad.” That pretty much confirmed for me that I wasn’t just missing the humor or misunderstood the tone of the movie. There was nothing in the future that was entertaining, and even showing the most popular TV show resulted in the same lame jokes. The only one that was different was a self-driving car that had feelings but it only added to the over-the-top way it was shown that Lou could make everyone want to kill him. Or maybe they all wanted to kill him because they had to endure 90 minutes of this nonsense. The “investigation” into Lou’s murder was as convoluted as the rationale for how the time machine actually worked, which didn’t even need to be that deep. I was waiting for it to make me laugh once but it was just consistently bad even to the very end. And that’s because all of the potentially funny scenes shown in the commercial weren’t even in the movie. Aside from knowing Nick’s music career was based on stolen songs, everything else was shown during the end credits basically. The only things that came close to being humorous were the brief nods that showed what they ripped off to become successful. But unless simple wordplay such as Lougle being Google or the recognition of old pop songs is enough to make you laugh for 90 minutes it’s an utter waste of time.
Hot Tub Time Machine 2 is the worst movie I’ve ever seen, although it did make me wish such a thing existed so I could go back in time and stop myself from seeing it. The murder investigation story line was boring, disjointed and filled with random and painfully unfunny moments. The characters were unbearable, and it’s no wonder they didn’t kill each other due to anger of being in such a horrible movie. And the fact that every sequence ultimately turned into a dick joke made me wonder how much of the drugs in the movie were consumed when writing it. Avoid Hot Tub Time Machine 2 at all costs and it’ll be one of the best decisions made all year.
Note: No, I didn’t forget to give it a rating, it’s actually zero